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open letter

by Braises noires

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1.
open letter 00:38
2.
violence 02:24
violence. that's the legacy you left me. you taught me that well, in anger I plunged headfirst. i can't stomach the pain of remembering your fucking face. make me dig my own grave where I'll bury my self-esteem. forget me and leave me alone in a room. waiting, rotting, scared to death of you, i'm telling myself again and again "i'll never be enough. I'll never be enough in your eyes". fading into your shadow, i embrace violence. bury my self-esteem.
3.
Geneviève 00:54
smiling, silent, you were staring into the void. lifeless eyes, lost in your mind. memories were long gone. the world was a paiting whose colors blended. shards of the past were collapsing in your head. familiar faces faded away. you left us as an empty shell.
4.
respire 02:18
on the verge of no return, exhausted, i dream of a day without wars with myself. longing for what used to be, i'm suffocating in these walls i've built. this room ain't home. counting my wounds, counting my hours, i wait for a moment to breath. respire.
5.
poison 00:52
your words are insects that crawl into my flesh draining me until there's nothing left. i can hear your voices sinking into my bones for more. did you know that mere words can kill ?
6.
wallowing in misery afraid to get closer i let myself sink for years wishing to be forgotten but you never left. you saved me. i'll try to be worthy of the time you have spend convincing me that i can believe in myself.
7.
mother 03:14
Dear mother, there is so much to say. i could smile, fake a laugh, like always. but that's the way it's been for too long. how did we end up like this ? how could you not see that I was hurt ? i wish you'd protect me not push me away and bury me. why did you do this to me ? And every night I stare at the ceiling thinking what a horrible son I am. I know how much it hurts you but I don't even regret it. There's not enough room in my heart for this. And I don't know how to talk to you anymore, how to tell you everything I'm holding inside. The more I search, the more I'm afraid. Afraid of the violence of my thoughts, of the dagger in your heart that would be my words. Maybe nothing will ever be the same after this. And yet, nothing could be more sincere.

about

This ep is an open letter to people i once knew or still know, most of whom are in my family. It tackles themes such as the violence of abusive stepfathers, a broken mother-son relationship, a family belittling a child...
It is also an open letter to my younger self. Words that i wasn't able to express or even understand, that i wish i would have said before it was too late. I recorded everything alone in my room, i'm aware this isn't top quality.
It is raw, simply written, but i hope you will enjoy this record as much as it was cathartic for me. I think that the most beautiful things come from the simplest words that come from the heart.

credits

released December 11, 2023

all recorded alone in a room
many thanks to louise leblond for helping me with the picture
thanks to all my friends for still being here
and thanks to you, who listen to this. we all deal with the pain, you are not alone.

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Braises noires Rouen, France

Emoviolence from Rouen, France.

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